Apparently, whatever went on at the overseas CIA prisons that held al-Qaida captives after the Sept. 11 attacks "constituted torture," according to a secret report from the International Committee of the Red Cross that was granted access about two years ago.

This possibly surprising revelation came to light yesterday as journalist Mark Danner, a professor who somehow obtained the report, released excerpts of it that will appear in the New York Review of Books. Danner cites the report as saying that the "high-value" detainees in overseas prisons gave identical accounts of what happened to them before 2006, including simulated drowning ("waterboarding"), beatings and sleep deprivation.

"The ill-treatment to which they were subjected while held in the CIA program, either singly or in combination, constituted torture," the report apparently says.

This is, evidently, not good. The report is the first official account to describe the U.S. military's treatment of prisoners as "torture," presumably much to the chagrin of the U.S. military. Back when Donald Rumsfeld was President George W. Bush's Defense secretary, he was flabbergasted that photos had been leaked from the Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq that showed officers committing what looked a lot like torture. How did he brush that criticism aside? Cleverly.

"My impression is that what has been charged thus far is abuse, which I believe technically is different from torture," Rumsfeld said at a press conference. "And therefore I'm not going to address the 'torture' word."

Susan Sontag, in her scathing 2004 New York Times Magazine criticism, mocked Rumsfeld for his war on semantics and also pointed out, "The charges against most of the people detained in the prisons in Iraq and Afghanistan being nonexistent -- the Red Cross reports that 70 to 90 percent of those being held seem to have committed no crime other than simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time, caught up in some sweep of 'suspects' -- the principal justification for holding them is 'interrogation.' Interrogation about what? About anything. Whatever the detainee might know. If interrogation is the point of detaining prisoners indefinitely, then physical coercion, humiliation and torture become inevitable."

Since then, the military was able to similarly not "address the 'torture' word" -- until now. And seeing as the old Rumsfeld Runaround won't work this time, it seems to me that the military has but one option: Make every American watch '24.'

'24,' the real-time, non-stop action orgy that pits superhero Jack Bauer against every terrorist ever, is not as much a FOX television show as it is a public service announcement for the use of torture against terrorists. And it makes a good case -- assuming, of course, that those being tortured are all guilty, which they always are in '24.'

Yet a dozen episodes into the series and I'm convinced that all it takes to find out the location of the CIP device or a squadron of renegade African footsoldiers is a good stab in the thigh with a ball-point pen, courtesy of Jack Bauer. Unfortunately, the official Red Cross report makes no mention of Bauer, or any Kiefer Sutherland-like character contracted by the military.

Whatever the circumstances, there will always be uncertainties. For example, the newest '24' episode airs on FOX tonight, and I have no idea what's going to happen. And not even the most sleep-deprived, waterboarded detainee can get me that information.