I guess first things first - I should preface this whole deal with a disclaimer of some sort notifying you guys that I'm not objective or something, I have ulterior motives, I'm on an undisclosed alternate payroll, etc. etc. blah blah blah. Well here you go - I'm 21, I just saw Pineapple Express and understood the pot humor, I have an unkempt beard and I live in New Jersey. Put the pieces together and odds are about 5.6 to 1 that I'm voting for Obama. There it is, that's my disclaimer.

So, moving on, I got an e-mail from my boy David Plouffe at 9:15 pm tonight notifying me of some info that just blew the piss out of my burnt-out little mind. Are you ready? You're not. But here it is anyway:

Obama is gonna text me his VP choice.
That's right you little turds. Me. Not you. Not Tom Brokaw or Katie Couric. ME. Why? Cause Obama's the man, that's why. And like me and my ilk and the rest of the world that actually knows what the hell has been going on in the realm of technology for the past fifteen years, he realizes that just announcing his VP pick through some prime time cable speech is the media equivalent of using a conventional oven to cook Pop-Tarts. That metaphor sucks, I know, but I have Pop-Tarts on my mind. And no toaster oven.

This is an extremely slick move on Obama's part. It shows that either he or some influential people in his campaign understand the way mass communication works these days - it doesn't revolve around cable news networks anymore. Just deliver that news hot and fresh right to the people who want it via their own personal mobile devices, no high-brow middle man diluting its immediacy with a perfectly pitched voice and alarmingly shiny coif. Any savvy bro can just text VP to 62262 and he's in the know, privy to some choice info the second the big man decides he wants his people informed.

Odds are I'll be on the beach chilling with a Corona when I get the message, subsequently initiating an informed but civil political debate with the formidable array of babes seated next to me and my bros. Impressed with my knowledge of the VP selection, the babes will then ultimately invite us to a killer backyard barbecue not unlike those portrayed on Bud Light Lime commercials, inevitably followed by frisky hot tub action involving aforementioned babes.


Bottom line - Obama is on the cutting edge of contemporary mass media culture and helps his voters score smoking hot babes while the other guy doesn't even know how to use a computer. Just shows you what kind of race this is.